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S1-013 Not Today, Satan
Not Today, Satan is the thirteenth episode of Season One of Queens of Adventure. It features the queens fighting the devil, Barb. Synopsis In the archives of Watersport, the four adventuring queens have reunited. Butylene O'Kipple is facing off against a yellow slime monster. Through a hole in the wall made by a mystically growing tree, Harlotte O'Scara swung in, landing near a safe that holds the treaty they are seeking. Fraya Love has charged through the main door of the chamber with Cher Noble in time to see Arson Nicki enter astride a giant spider. Arson's spider had tried to web the devil Barb but he uses it to pull Arson towards him. Butylene makes ready to attack, but Barb speaks to her telepathically, offering to set her up with a dance school in one of the nine layers of Hell if she helps him. The tiefling tells Barb off for not getting consent before going in her mind, and then unleashes vicious mockery. Barb shrugs it off. Noticing the slime near her, Butylene swipes items off the table next to her and slides over it towards Barb and Arson. Cher Noble tells Fraya she is feeling a moral dilemma between helping her new friends and ensuring she remains active to continue protecting her son, Chaz. Fraya asks what made her worried, and Cher Noble says the devil spoke in her head and told her she was at risk of failing her oath to protect her ward, hidden in the village. Fraya rises to the occasion as a cleric of Cher, and advises her to hold the line at the door and only prevent bad guys from getting out. Cher Noble readies seering smite, her fists glow with radiant energy. The fire caused by one of Arson's Molotov cocktails, spreads. Barb reaches out to Arson telepathically, offering her a position as lieutenant of his devil army. All she has to do is get Butylene to stay, and she will become queen of the devils. She tells him to talk to one of her assistants and casts mirror image. Three more Arsons appear, but Barb can tell the real one, who she has grappled, but Arson then casts Samantha's Curse ''on Barb. Fraya feels the voice in her head next. Barb tells her that there are seahorses nearby, and she could escape the island on one of them before the island is blown up or the Kracken arrives. She runs forward and dives into the yellow ooze. The ooze attacks her hard as she unleashes ''wrath of the storm while channeling divinity. The slime bursts apart and splatters on several sides of the room. Harlotte focuses on the safe, but can tell Barb is shifting his attention to her. He telepathically tells her about smugglers tunnels filled with treasure he will let her have if she convinces Butylene to stay. Harlotte dismisses him and examines the safe. Realizing how long it would take to crack, she darts to Barb and jabs him, but his scales resist some of the damage. The two thrown slimes begin to move. One heads back towards Fraya, absorbing lab equipment and chemicals as it goes, the other climbs a bookshelf towards Sir Throbardon. As he flies he shouts that he thinks Barb has telepathic skills and uses rally to heal Fraya a little before swiping at Barb, missing. To Arson he uses commander's strike to let her do another attack. She summons her pact weapon with a rude gesture her mirror images copy and critical strikes. Barb's eyes cross for a moment under the force damage. Throbardon lands atop a barrel. The spider tries and fails to bite the devil. He vents his frustration at the group's resistance to what he thinks are reasonable offers, so he decides to try out his latest mutagen formula attempt on Arson. A syringe jabs into Arson's thigh before Barb releases her. She stumbles as as tiny spiders fall from her mouth. They cover and spin webs around her as she collapses to the ground. The mirror Arsons all appear the same. From the council room next door they hear a sloshing sound as a black smile monster appears behind Cher Noble. She uses her prepared attack, barely damaging it. Using draglish, Butylene tells Harlotte where she thinks the key is while finding a vial of powdered iron to throw into Barb's eyes. Her aim isn't good, and it falls over Barb, but not in his eyes. Butylene cartwheels away but Barb does not attack. Cher Noble holds the doorway and uses seering fist again, burning the black ooze. In the southeast corner, the fire reaches some of the ceiling beams and a bookshelf collapses, spreading the flames. The spidersilk around Arson begins to fall away and she gets one hand out and pulls webs away from her face and body, revealing she is now a drider - human upper body with the legs of a spider. With her newly formed spinnerets, she binds Barb with webbing, but he pulls most of it off. Arson's head spins and she loses control for a moment and web attacks Barb again, but he breaks through it one more time. The tree continues to grow. It's roots puncture the floor of the room and they can see a large chamber underground with stone passageways leading away. Fraya casts shatter at the floor under Barb with the ASL sign for love. As a gaping pit forms under him, he shouts "Okay that hurt" but manages to avoid falling, as do Harlotte and the giant spider, but Arson plummets into the floor along with the mirror Arsons. Harlotte uses mage hand to fish for a key from Barb's pocket from across the new pit. Barb notices, and pulls out the keys, mad that the lecturers on consent tried to steal from him. Harlotte runs to hide behind the barrels, but Barn notices. The two oozes attack Fraya. As the first psudopod strikes, wrath of the storm strikes out from Fraya's body, slicing through the first ooze. Throbardon swoops towards Barb, missing again. Following its master's lead, the spider webs Barb, finally restraining her. The devil removes a fluid vial out of his pocket, adds a reagent, and drops the new bomb on his head. It bounces off, rolls away, and blows up the fireplace. The fire from it burns Barb and the webs around him. The black ooze tries to squeeze past Cher Noble, who holds it off as its burns continue to hurt it. Inspired by Barb, Butylene throws a bomb at the safe. The blast punches another hole in the floor and the wall, and the safe falls down into the hole, where it clicks open. Cher Noble tries to punch the black ooze, and hits her own face instead, while the fire spreads closer to their doorway. Structures begin to collapse. Down in the pit, Arson investigates the safe, opening it to find a ton of documents. She grabs them and the scroll case. Recognizing the style of tunnel systems, she runs through the tunnels after shouting in draglish to get out of there as she has the docs. The tree's roots expand into the chamber as she leaves and the canopy spreads through the library. To the alarm of her friends, Fraya tells Cher noble to "Save Chaz!" and runs to tackle Barb as she casts thunderwave. It blasts away the yellow slime and Barb. She walks up to him, dangling in the tree now, and lets his foot kick her, triggering wrath of the storm although Barb resists destructive wrath. Satisfied, Fraya hops over the wreckage to tumble through one of the holes in the wall into what might be a graveyard. With mage hand, Harlotte slaps Barb as she also leaves through the wall. Throbardon follows. The spider follows Arson down through the tunnels. Barb and Butylene remain. The devil gets out of the tree, walks towards Butylene and grapples her with a noogie, excited for all they are going to do together. All of Butylene's friends are too far away to help her. Characters Party * Arson Nicki - drow warlock * Butylene O'Kipple - tiefling alchemist * Fraya Love - water genasi cleric * Harlotte O'Scara - human rogue NPCs * Cher Noble * Barb Monsters/Enemies * Oozes Episode Notes Inspiration Earned * Fraya - Insane move against the Ooze * Arson - using her city secrets feat to navigate the dark passages Memorable Quotes * "My brain is a safe space, and I didn't give you consent to be in here." - Butylene O'Kipple * "Is there at least a loin cloth?" - "There is not." - Fraya Love and DM Matt * "They're literally coming to get you, Barbara." - Butylene O'Kipple * "Thank you for making this situation even more complicated." - DM Matt * "You know I could also do heroin, but I'm not going to." - Fraya Love * "I'm going to unbirth myself." - Fraya Love * "I don't know if Quickbooks does life saving invoices, but I'm sending you all one later today." - Arson Nicki * "This is an embodiment of one of my nightmares... so... that's pretty cool." - Arson Nicki * "You have failed! Foolish slime. Enjoy this 1D6 of fire damage." - Cher Noble * "Can we just appreciate the synchronized swimming moment of four of me popping out cocoons?" - Arson Nicki * "I'm Cherlynne, Champion of Justice. On behalf of the gays I will right wrongs and triumph over evil. *licks my lips, toss my hair* And that means you." - Fraya Love * "I am covered in points and I am very pointed." - Barb * "Do I get an inspiration point for that?" - Fraya Love References * Barbarella * Dukes of Hazard * Night of the Living Dead * Sex and the City * Maybeline * Quickbooks * Barbarella * Scream - "The Call Is Coming from Inside the House" * Shangella * Pokemon * Sailor Moon * Street Fighter Please Welcome to the Stage * Max Damage Name That Tune * "Baby its All of Nothing" - Cher * "Spiderwebs" - No Doubt * "Stand" - R.E.M. * "Friends in Low Places" - Garth Brooks * "Fernando" - Cher Behind the Queens * Fraya's thunderwave attack would be referenced in the QoAQnA bonus episode. Category:Episodes Category:Season One